New Holiday Clearinghouse

Bob walked through the revolving door and found his way to the building directory, on the wall next to a big potted plant.  Looking down the list, he saw:

Holiday Clearinghouse   405

So he took the elevator.  On the fourth floor, it wasn’t immediately obvious which hallway to take, but there was someone at the information desk.

Bob:  “Could you tell me which way’s four-oh-five?”

Information:  “Take the hall to the left, and Holidays is the third door on your right, just past the Pepsi machine.”

Inside 405 was a small waiting area, with adequate padded chairs arranged in a squared-off C shape.  It looked like Bob would have to wait, but hopefully not for too long.  On the wall was a big bulletin board, with official looking notices.  One had to do with the minimum wage (both in English and Spanish), and for some reason there was another small poster about forests with a picture of Smokey the Bear.

Finding the magazine rack, Bob leafed through.  It was the same old same old, mostly celebrity gossip, or how to decorate your house (and hey!  Here are some photos of places you’ll never afford, even in your wildest dreams).  And of course, Highlights for the kids.  Eh.

And whoever chose the magazines had a very limited, stereotypical notion of what men liked to read.  Sports, hunting, or cars, it was always the same.  Not that there was anything wrong with those.  Bob does enjoy a good baseball game from time to time, and he has even been known to look at football on TV.  And he never misses watching the Indy 500.  But he just isn’t into reading sports magazines.  He’s also not a hunter, and while he enjoys a classic car show (preferably with tailfins and plenty of chrome) he’s just not into reading a bunch of mechanical details and performance comparisons.

Now why can’t they have a pilot’s magazine here, with pictures of airplanes?  That would be different and exciting!  People would look at that.

He was just about to settle for an old Readers Digest.  There was usually a dramatic real life story, a struggle against titanic forces, with a rescue just in the nick of time.  It would be pretty intense stuff , nothing silly like lost socks in a dryer.  Those stories were usually followed by a joke at the bottom of the page.  Those were usually good.  Just then though, Bob heard “Next!”, so he got up and walked over to the counter.

Bob:  “I filled out and brought in this application for a new holiday, Mike Day.”

Counter Man:  “Let’s see what you got."

(There was a slight rustle of paper as the forms were handed over.)

Counter Man:  “August 11, huh?  So you don’t want a floating holiday, always on a Monday, that sort of thing?”

Bob:  “No, it’s got to be the eleventh every year.”

(Counter Man brought up a calendar on his computer screen.)

Counter Man:  “Okay, no problem, August 11 is not taken.  Well, not by anything too major, just Presidential Joke Day.  Like we say here, every day’s a holiday.”

Bob:  “Great!”

Counter Man:  “Wait, you left this blank, where it says Mascot.”

Bob:  “Yeah, I wasn’t sure what to do with that.  Hmmm…Mike does like Batman…”

Counter Man:  “Nope, no bats.   They’re booked only for Halloween.  It’s some kind of union rule.”

Bob:  “Let me think.  I suppose elves are out because of Christmas commitments?”

Counter Man:  “Right.”

Bob:  “Okay, how about, could we do a giant, magical, talking toad?”

(Counter Man keys in a search on “holiday, mascot, toad, talking”.)

Counter Man:  “Your lucky day.  Now how would you describe this giant, talking toad?”

Bob:  “Well…he looks like an average toad, except bigger, maybe the size of a big dog.  And, I dunno, sometimes he would wear a little hat, but not all the time.”

(Counter Man enters “Toad mascot is not misshapen, but is unnaturally large; comparable to a large dog.  Often wears a hat.”)

Bob:  “Oh, and he has to have hands, with real working fingers so he can pick up stuff.”

Counter Man:  “I’ve seen frogs flick out their tongues to catch flies before.”

Bob:  “Well…if we have to settle for that, I guess.  But I was hoping for more.”

(Counter Man keys in “Has hands which can grasp and pick up objects”.)

Counter Man:  “So, what kind of things does this toad say?”

Bob:  “Mostly happy, lighthearted greetings.  But he always slips in a serious warning or bit of smart advice.  He’s wise beyond his years, you could say.  And sometimes he speaks in limericks.”

Counter Man:  “That’s like some kind of poem?”

Bob:  “Yeah, like, ‘There once was a man from Springfield…’”

Counter Man:  “Got it.  Now, how is he a magical toad, again?”

Bob:  “Well, his power is telepathy.  He can read minds.  But he never uses his power for evil; he’s a good toad.  Give you an example, say Mike has misplaced his car keys.  The Mike Day Toad would hop over, and peer into Mike’s mind and figure out where the keys are.”

Counter Man:  “We’ll just leave it that he’s magical for now.  I think maybe it’s better to leave these things kind of vague at first, then let the holiday traditions grow as the years go by.  For instance, take Dog Constitution Day, with the bank robbing folk singing group, the rogue census takers, and the big walking cactus.  That holiday turned weird, and no one knows why.”

Bob:  “I’ve never heard of that!  It sounds…strangely interesting though.”

Counter Man:  “Yeah, it is fun, in a bizarre sort of way.  Well, we’re about done.  Under How to Celebrate, you have ‘Invite family and friends in for conversation, to listen to festive music, and have good food…and something else.   I’m trying to make out your writing here, it looks like it says ‘Slow Yellow Navy’.  What is that?” 

Bob:  “Uh, well, macaroni and cheese.  It’s a long story.  You can leave that off.”

Counter Man:  “Okay, we’ll keep this simple too. “  (He keys in, “Celebrate by having family and friends over for conversation, good food, and to enjoy festive music.”)  “Now, are there any outdoor celebrations?  Any fireworks, that kind of thing?”

Bob:  “Nah, the Mike I’m thinking of had a bad experience with neighbors who didn’t know when to quit one Fourth of July.  I guess it was a noise fest into the small hours of the morning.”

Counter Man:  “One more question and this will be all done and official.  How about dessert?”

Bob:  “Sure!  What have you got?  Oh, you mean for Mike Day.”

Counter Man:  “Yes.”

Bob:  “Do they still make those blue M&M’s?”

Counter Man:  “I’m sure they do.”

Bob:  “Good, gotta have those.  Oh, and we can’t forget the chocolate mayonnaise cake.”

Counter Man:  “What?!”

Bob:  “The way I heard it, a lot of cake recipes call for both eggs and oil.  Turns out you can leave those out and substitute mayonnaise.”

Counter Man:  “Really?”

Bob:  “Yeah, it works, and it’s delicious.  It’s a great way to celebrate…HAPPY MIKE DAY!”

New July friends

We met in a tent of all places.

I was so excited,

So I paid the price and took them home.

Later one evening, we put on a show.

They sang their brief song.

But then they were gone.

Independence Day Weekend

Here's some photos and captions from July 2nd through 5th.


My wife and our youngest granddaughter.



Our first granddaughter. Our California family came to visit on this weekend so she could be a flower girl and so her mom - our first daughter - could be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding.




Of course, the visit with our kids and grandkids was the high point of the extended weekend. And that's saying a lot, considering that there were fireworks.




July 3...my wife's birthday. She's opening her main gift, a DVD of Disney's "Meet the Robinsons"





She's told the story of how when she was growing up, kids would give her fireworks for her birthday. I guess that seemed good at first until she caught on that those were presents she couldn't keep; they'd be fired off and just plain gone. In honor of that family story, I bought her a Friendship Pagoda at one of the local tents.



"There's something in here"
On impulse I had bought an unusual item, not quite a gag gift, but almost. It was challenging to wrap until I had a timely inspiration.



Meanwhile, our content, good natured grand baby chose that moment to show how genuinely happy she was.



It's...a back scratcher!



That sudden flashing light again!



What with the fourth being on a Sunday this year, we were dressed up for church. Someone is having her feet played with by grandma.


Back in comfy clothes after church. I'm kind of fond of this photo.



Niece, Uncle, and toy dino.



Daughter number one about to get in the car.



Son-in-law tying shoes while waiting in the airport terminal.



The best visits always seem to go by too fast, and it's hard to say goodbye.


July 5th - the last day this year to legally shoot 'em off, and I had more left over than I wanted to store away. First, daytime fireworks...one item in the lower left that was new to me this year, Snake Escape. Finally an easy way to light snakes - the entire package is lit by a fuse and erupts with a big green flame. Then, as the label says, the snakes escape.




Our second daughter lighting two smoke bombs at once.



Yellow plus red make orange.



Smoke from the smoke bombs against the trees in the top background. I was also holding two lit punks, and it didn't occur to me how well the tendrils of smoke in the foreground would show up. Maybe I had the flash on. Turned out kind of neat.



Youngest daughter holding a Morning Glory.



I have a better ladder than that old rickety wooden one. I only keep it around to nail firework pinwheels into, of course.

Independence Day 2010

It's late as I post this, so I hope you had a safe and happy 4th of July!

Independence Day celebrations, part 3

Okay, near the end of my last installment I kind of left you hanging...

"So after I got everyone home, I drove back out there and purchased a handful of bargains. More about that tomorrow."

Well, I've been busy and much has happened since. But I feel I ought to finish my report, so here goes.

Sunday, July 5th: I still had most of my fireworks, and since it was still legal, the weather forecast was reasonable, and I had no pressing plans we went to the backyard to celebrate again.

Fireworks...check! We're ready.

During the day we sent up a daytime parachute, and used up more of the smoke bombs...






...and lit a few snakes and glow worms.



(Family members plus a cousin of a neighbor girl)

That evening out came the sparklers, a few more roman candles, and some ground bloom flowers. At the risk of repeating myself, I'm not sure If I mentioned that I'd bought a couple of pinwheels at the tent near Lake Tapawingo. Before it got dark, I hauled an old wooden stepladder out of the shed, and nailed one of the pinwheels to it. Absolutely beautiful...so good to see a pinwheel again.

We finished off the cones, and fired a nighttime parachute (or "Coloured Aviation Lamp" as it said on the label). We lit the fountains in mixed order, some of the small inexpensive ones along with the slightly bigger - and better - Black Cat fountains from the "Ammo Clip Six Shooter" package.


These Ammo Clip fountains were one of the pleasant surprises of the night. A little more expensive, but not like the really big stuff. Anyway they're worth every penny. Each one is a different color, they have names like "Red Star Crackling Flower" and "Gold & Silver Crackle Green Star". They last longer than the tiny fountains and are a real quality item.

The other pleasant surprise were the extra long "Neon" sparklers, made in Japan actually. They are each dyed a different bright color in the package, which is kind of misleading...I couldn't tell any difference when they were lit (a mix of silver and gold sparks). But they were bright and lasted longer than the regular sparklers.

About the only disappointments of the day were earlier when we tried "Colored Snakes" (from an assortment package of Black Snakes, Colored Snakes, and Glow Worms). When you took the colored snake pellets out of the box, some would have a kind of green cast, some a red cast. But when lit, we couldn't tell any difference between them and the black snakes.

Also, some of the newer Ground Bloom Flowers left something to be desired. Still a good firework, but the old ones lasted longer. Still...no duds, and no injuries. A fun time was had by all, but after a while the back yard got real smokey (no wind to stir the air).

So we had some fireworks left over to put in the ammo box and store for next year.

But you probably already guessed that.

Independence Day celebrations, parts 1 & 2

I love this holiday, always have.

So far this year though it's been more preparation than activity, pyrotechnics wise, that is.

Yesterday we chose a tent to shop at, and my wife and two youngest children and I found some favorites and kept within a reasonable budget. (That tent sold Black Cat brand almost exclusively, which are quality...but I noticed their stock leaned heavily toward the bigger, more expensive items.)

The third of July being my sweet wife's birthday, she called the shots as to what we did. Right after buying the works, we walked across the parking lot to our local supermarket (HyVee), and bought a French silk chocolate pie. Not long after we got home, daughter number two arrived from work, so there were five of us for supper and pie.

After that, a trip to our backyard to shoot just a few fireworks: five ground bloom flowers, a few snakes and glow worms, some sparklers, a couple of those "chickens laying fiery eggs", a smoke bomb, a small pack of firecrackers, a cone (Solar Flare), and a couple of 8 to 10 year old (I guess) Roman candles I'd taken out of an ammo box. The flaming balls didn't gain great altitude - maybe 18 feet - but other than that they worked fine. In fact, the Roman Candles (Horse Brand) were marked as 8 shot, but they actually gave 10 and 11 shots respectively. Bonus!



For many years I've dreamed of running a fireworks tent...

Saturday, July 4 - much of today was spent getting things done around the house, and preparing for a get together and cookout at a friend's house in Blue Springs. My wife made a flag cake (Jello cake with blueberries, and with strawberries for the stripes on the flag). We took that to the party, along with our fireworks. After the cookout and dessert, we all walked to the neighborhood fishing pond, and watched while a few people made the attempt. Some time went by and eventually two fish were caught almost simultaneously, on opposite sides of the pond. My son, daughter number three and I walked over to look at one of the fish.

It said, "Hey, I'm unhappy" (Okay, I said it for the fish). Happy ending, the rules were catch-and-release, so back into his element he went. It had been a really pleasant afternoon / evening, with occasional refreshing downdrafts from cumulonimbus clouds moving through. But about then the cold front moved in, and got much cooler quickly. None of us were prepared for that, and daughter number three got chilled enough to be uncomfortable. So we left early for home, and on the way saw lots of fireworks...a few big ones in the distance, and many smaller fireworks in backyards.

Near the turnoff for Lake Tapawingo, we noticed a tent with a sign "6 For 1 or Half Off". My wife was amazed that I passed that by and said so.

So after I got everyone home, I drove back out there and purchased a handful of bargains. More about that tomorrow.

Oh, by the way Mike, I remember your sister telling that story about when she realized the old Dr. Pepper logo "10, 2 and 4" lined up with your ages at the time.

Light 'em if you got 'em

The time is nigh for the High Holy Days at Bob's house, for it is the time of fireworks in our land. Whether it is model rockets (another passion), or fireworks, Bob is more than a little pleased when there are propellants to ignite.

You may wish to keep him out of your garage, should he come to visit.

And we are pleased to rejoice with him over his hometown's decision to allow fireworks this year and, yes, Bob, you should by all means join in when you can, as if you need my encouragement.

I, for one, while I enjoy the fireworks, prefer not to trouble myself with them. When all is said and done, I get too sweaty and too gobbled by mosquitoes to enjoy myself. We will, though, haul our lawn chairs across the street and watch the display put on by a large church in the area. After I lather myself with bug repellent.

Speaking of summertime activities, I, for some reason, was remembering an episode from my childhood today. This would have been the summer of 1963 and my older sister and my younger sister and I were enjoying some Dr. Pepper. And you recall Dr. Pepper's logo of those days, with the 10, 2, and 4, which suggested a clock face and the times of the day to drink Dr. Pepper. Well my older sister pointed out that the numbers also coincided with our respective ages at the time.

We thought that was neat in '63. I still do.

YES!!!

"This year for the first time, the purchase and discharge of consumer grade fireworks will be permitted this July 4th holiday within the city limits of Independence."

Click here to link to the entire article.

This year on the fourth, I'll be celebrating with friends in Blue Springs, where fireworks have been legal for years. But I just might set off a few in my own back yard on the third and / or the fifth.

Legally!

Thank you, Independence!

Dud fireworks or dud neighbors?

Mike, thanks for the report.

"We moved into the city in January from the county where fireworks are not only legal, they are revered...Some enthusiastic adherants conducted services until well after 11 pm nightly...until the 4th and beyond. It is also clear that there are other acceptable seasons...such as Christmas, New Years, the Super Bowl to name a few, however the guidelines proscribing these observances are less than clear."

I don't too much mind the 11 pm cutoff...on July 4th itself. But I can understand what it would be like to have neighbors ruin it with "too much of a good thing" that week. New Years, well, a few, okay. But Christmas? The Super Bowl?

"A large church (mega!) in our area puts on a big display every year at the Springfield Underground. We went one time and I'll never go again. Mind you the display is great...But the parking and the finding a spot (in the sun!) to sit and wait and the sweat and the humanity and the garbled music and announcements and the traffic to leave...However, the park across the street from my new house provides a nearly unobstructed view of this very same fireworks display. So, I sat in my air conditioned home until about ten minutes until the fireworks were to be shot. My wife and I grabbed lawn chairs...Less than five minutes later we were seated comfortably in an ideal location...The show began. We saw it all. Approximately 15 minutes later we walked home...before hundreds of people, who saw the exact same show, had their cooler repacked."

Yeah, that's the way. Don't mess with the traffic, the crowds, the heat. Glad you have a good view near your new home.

Dud Report

So the 4th of July was about 10 days ago and now here's a report. Like a fireworks dud, it's late. It remains to be seen if it's a dud in more ways than one.

We moved into the city in January from the county where fireworks are not only legal, they are revered. Worship usually began there during the second week in June. Some enthusiastic adherants conducted services until well after 11 pm nightly. This would continue until the 4th and beyond. It is also clear that there are other acceptable seasons during which a county resident may express his faith such as Christmas, New Years, the Super Bowl to name a few, however the guidelines proscribing these observances are less than clear.

This year was entirely different. We now live in city limits where fireworks are illegal. I heard, at the most, a half dozen reports from bottle rockets and such. So very quiet!

A large church (mega!) in our area puts on a big display every year at the Springfield Underground. We went one time and I'll never go again. Mind you the display is great - the best I've ever seen. But the parking and the finding a spot (in the sun!) to sit and wait and the sweat and the humanity and the garbled music and announcements and the traffic to leave - oy! This guy, again, never. However, the park across the street from my new house provides a nearly unobstructed view of this very same fireworks display. So, I sat in my air conditioned home until about ten minutes until the fireworks were to be shot. My wife and I grabbed lawn chairs and walked up the street. Less than five minutes later we were seated comfortably in an ideal location. We waited for the show. The show began. We saw it all. Approximately 15 minutes later we walked home. We were home before hundreds of people, who saw the exact same show, had their cooler repacked.

That's what I call Independence!

Blasts from the past

Happy Fourth of July to one and all! And remember, Independence Day is about more than just fireworks.

Okay, I felt like I had to put that last part in...now let's talk about fireworks! When I was little, maybe four or five, my dad showed me how to light fireworks, and he made sure I knew how important it was to do so safely and not take stupid chances. I've always enjoyed them...still do.

I remember there were a couple of years I spent time in the days leading up to the Fourth drawing these pictures; really getting geared up for the afternoon and evening celebration. The black and white drawing above is an inventory I made of what I had on hand. The Y (yes) are the ones I had some of, and the N (no) indicated what I needed to buy at the tent.

I haven't seen pinwheels in years. For those who don't know, there were two shapes, built around a flat pasteboard center. When lit, the pinwheel would spin and the sparks would fly out like a wheel of fire...really pretty at night. One shape was a spiral charge wrapped around a circular cardboard disk. The other kind had three seperate charges connected by fuse, arranged around a triangular cardboard. On those, the first charge would set the pinwheel spinning, then it would coast for a bit less than a second, then the second charge would start...then likewise the third. Quite a show. On either type of pinwheel, there was a dot printed on the center. The instructions suggested you nail it to a tree. We weren't real fond of that suggestion. First, we didn't like the idea of driving nails into our trees. And second, if you weren't careful about the placement, the pinwheel could catch on a rough piece of bark and come to a stop...ruining the effect. So what we did most times was nail them to an old wooden stepladder.

The firework I drew in the center left is something else I haven't seen in ages. I don't remember what it was called, but it had the spiral shape of a pinwheel and you would lay it on a sidewalk or driveway and light it. It would spin around and then a small charge at the end would blow it up. Not much of a report, like a ladyfinger firecracker.

Nowadays, you can get a similar effect with "ground bloom flowers". No nails have to be driven into trees, and in fact, they're a better firework.

Back to the art, such as it was. One year, I started days early and drew my own fireworks handbook. This was sometime in the mid 1960's (click on image to enlarge).

It's odd, now that I look this over again, it seems I left out smoke bombs. Maybe I discovered those later.

This year we plan to go to a park and watch a professional display, and if that's also your plan, have a great celebration! But if you prefer and if you're in a place where you can legally shoot off your own fireworks, please do so safely; a little common sense goes a long way. Always follow the directions...let's see, how does that go...

USE OUTDOORS ONLY UNDER ADULT SUPERVISION.
LIGHT FUSE AND GET AWAY.

(Or as the British say, IGNITE TOUCH PAPER AND RETIRE IMMEDIATELY.)