Lest you get too carried away by all the Columbus Day and Veteran's Day celebrations (I swear it seems you just get the Columbus Day tree put away and they start playing Veteran's Day music at the dime store! Sheesh), don't forget that Bob Day is upon us.
As I write, in fact, it's Bob Day Eve. I hope all the baking and shopping is done and you've got your kilt back from the cleaners, for the Presbyterians among us.
No Bob Day Festival would be complete without fireworks, of course. But since the fireworks stands have long since disappeared, you'll have to wander out to the warehouse outside of town that has the word 'crazy' in the name of the store. A lot of warehouse-type places are named for Crazy Dave or Crazy Joe or some other guy who is crazy. Sure you can buy an end table made of thick, heavy, dark wood in a style that matches nothing you own with a floor lamp sticking up through the middle of it for $39 from Crazy Bill, but your fireworks? From a crazy man? No.
No. Go to the garage and look for a box that used to have fruit drinks in foil pouches in it that you got from the bulk place (Crazy Egbert's!), but now has left over fireworks from the summer and you can use those for Bob Day. You may have to look behind the grass seed and some plastic device that came from an oscillating fan or an appliance or the car and you can't throw it away because you might need it some day.
Anyway, light your left over fireworks for Bob Day and grab a Mountain Dew and raise a toast to Bob. If 78 percent of the fireworks go off, he'll be pleased.
Happy Birthday, cousin!
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